Monday, March 30, 2009

We invite you to attend the college of our choice

What was a pretty uneventful weekend for me personally (a trip to see the not exactly good Monsters Vs. Aliens with Marisol and Buster was the highlight) turned into a pretty eventful one for the world at large. North Korea moves us all closer to midnight as Kim Jong Il continues his quest to be the ultimate James Bond villain; I've no idea if he has a cat or lives inside a volcano, however. President Obama essentially fired the head of a U.S. corporation, GM. A move that, regardless of necessity, has been met with surprisingly little commentary from the chattering classes. Then there were the floods in North Dakota. Or more accurately the waiting for the floods in North Dakota; it's been a bit strange watching that story unfold. Certainly good for the folks in question, but sucks for all the roving reporters. Eager to give us some human tragedy with a smidgen of human triumph thrown in, all the media has got thus far is a bunch of folks in flyover country filling up sandbags. Fail.

Our North Dakota friends need not feel they're alone in all this. Andy called Saturday afternoon to inform me that the local news was reporting that puddles were forming around Atlanta. Killer, godless puddles. The kind one has to hop over or walk around to avoid. Worse still, the kind that the oceans formed from. Holy shit. It was with not a little disappointment that Andy reported this news report was not filed from a canoe. At least it gave chivalry another chance at renewal as capes were laid down for fair maidens by dandy gents the city over. I've not been advised of the current situation so I can only presume the entire metro Atlanta area has been destroyed. Farewell, old friend. Farewell.

Unfortunately because I actually have something approaching a life these days, I wasn't able to take part in the big Earth Hour on Saturday night. For the fortunate few who have no idea what all that hubbub was about allow me. For one hour on one night the entire world was supposed to power down at the behest of Edward Norton, one of our finest actors, presumably a decent dude and expert on all matters metaphysical. That meant no lights, computers, television or electricity (general or otherwise) for one solid hour which would probably suck if you were unfortunate enough to be on a plane, subway or life-support during that hour. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, I suppose. Somehow all this energy conservation was going to save Mother Earth from its core melting or something that was probably detailed in the "scientific explanation" part of The Day After Tomorrow. Regardless, we'd all feel good enough to live the next 8764 hours with pretty much no thought of energy conservation or Edward Norton. Since we're all still here, I guess it was a success. Thanks, Earth. Thearth.

Fortunately, I happened to pick a cinema that did not care about Earth and chose not to shut down operations. So while most of the would-be do-gooders were sitting in the dark patting themselves on the back whilst wondering how to eat a frozen dinner with no microwave, we were attempting to yuk it up with Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3-D!!!!!!!!!!! This seemed the most patriotic thing I could do on such an night. Of course, I'd be lying if I said that part of me wasn't hoping that due to all the energy being saved, my movie experience wouldn't be a little bit brighter. Alas, it wasn't to be as the movie was a largely forgettable, goofy kidfest with wasted talent (Paul Rudd, Will Arnett, Rainn Wilson) and jokes/references thrown together just because. The particular kid I was with didn't seem to enjoy all that much either.

As a result, I have decided that I will do more for the environment if Hollywood will start making better product. I am fully prepared to buy energy-efficient light bulbs, cut off my computer at night and not rev my car's engine just because it sounds cool. All I ask is that Hollywood quit turning forgotten tv shows into movies, abandon all remakes/sequels, start putting Simon Pegg in every movie to make it cooler, stop putting Samuel L. Jackson in every movie to make it cooler, discontinue making PG-13 horror movies, tell Quentin Tarantino that ripping off obscure movies is still ripping off, bring back the Care Bears and give Kevin Smith back to New Jersey. And anything else I decide to add at a later date.

Let's sit back and look forward to the status quo together.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One] i supported man made global warming sat nite by turning on all lights including the outside floods precisely at 817pm (i didn't want to be late) and returning to normal illumination at precisely 932pm (allowing for the relativistic effects of the universe going dark). I feel much better after doing my part.

Two] you can rest easy as the god-less puddles have, for the most part, evaporated; however there still is some standing water. be careful.
- atr