Raise your hand if your sure

In my morning scanning of all things internetty, I ran across a rather pointless article on Yahoo about ways to ensure a job interview will go south. Like most articles of this type, it's filled with all manner of suggestions. Most of which range from the glaringly obvious to the obviously glaring, e.g. don't be a liar or a bad comedian. So walking in and announcing "I'm 'bout to git all up in this interview, bee-yatch." is not recommended. Not only because it manages to violate both of the aforementioned rules, but it also lets the interviewer know you're a complete tool whose death would be welcomed by your family. Apologies for being the rain on an otherwise gay parade, but unless you're an 18-year old gangbanger from the hood--by virtue of applying for a job you're almost certainly not--never threaten to "git all up in" anything. It's not 2004, you know.

In the midst of the article's 'help' there are a couple of head-scratchers though. To wit, smiling too much can be a bad thing. A suggestion which, in turn, suggest the author is even more of a miserable bastard than I and not, as implied, really concerned that the interviewee will appear nervous. Of course you're nervous going into an interview. Why wouldn't you be? Your life is on the line. This potential job may be the final strand keeping you in respectable society and off the streets working for a biznessman named Huggy Bear. So a smile, nervous or not, is wholly recommended. Look how at ease it puts most folks when dealing with used car salesmen. It lets you know they're one of us.

Continuing with the nervous theme, the most ridiculous assertion is that one can sweat too much. I'm not sure why the author is under the assumption that you'll be interviewed by an inhuman, emotionless Vulcan or that you're interviewing for a job as a contract killer, but that's about the only way I could figure some level of nervousness wouldn't be forgiven. How does one could cut down on the sweating anyway? This seems to be an unfortunate aspect of being born and a fact that most accept. I suppose the sweaty interviewee could launch into a tirade about how God cursed the human race with sweat glands, but I'm fairly certain so doing would be seen in a less than positive light. Unless you're being interviewed by some godless God-hater, that is.

Nevertheless, the article suggests that wearing too many clothes, or more specifically, an undershirt, could cost you a job. Unless the job is at Hooters or Chippendales, I can't really see how too much clothing would be a turnoff. As a proud wearer of undershirts and one who's been known to sweat, I must take offense at such a notion, but now understand why I'm working here instead of some fancy high rise in New York. Damn elite corporate scum.

However, I must give bonus points to the author for writing what is without a doubt the stupidest tip I've ever run across for anything. No small feat considering the tips and helpful hints I get at my job on a daily basis. But then, I generally ignore the EPJ on most everything anyway.