Finding out your birthday is wrong

It had been pretty slow around here today which is generally the way we prefer it. It's not that we're lazy, but after all these years we've found that a boring workplace is a happy workplace. Sometimes work must be done though. Even on Friday afternoon, especially when there's a wedding to be held.

I've never thought of Friday after lunch as being the optimum time for a wedding. I've also never really had dreams of getting married in the friendly confines of these concrete walls either by the EPJ. I'm the first to admit she does a bang-up job giving the vows and the happy couple do save a fortune on all those cute cocktails wieners and booze. Plus, a moderate amount of amount of our weddings stick. Not sure how our figures stack up with the national rate, but we've only had one that didn't make it through the honeymoon. As a result, we briefly considered implementing a "first week free" policy but ultimately went with "all sales final." It's all about the benjamins with us.

The couple just now were a gregarious enough bunch, full of life. The groom even mentioned they'd have a stripper tonight and I was invited over. I thought this quite neighborly and was definitely intrigued. Unfortunately, he never said where "over" was. Dang. My evening would have been set otherwise. I did mean to ask him if strip clubs give group discounts for wedding receptions. My guess is yes. A recent survey of newlyweds found that the one thing most missed at their reception was the pole dancing of Kandy Kane. Surprising.

Before I could get the full details on the post-wedding throwdown, he started telling the assembled throng about how he'd just gotten Season 1 of Alf on DVD. Like most dudes, I loves me some nekkid women. But when you start talking Alf, we're talking a-whole-nother level of bliss.

Since some of the assembled throng were unfamiliar with Alf (whatup with that?) a brief explanation was in order. He's "like an anteater but an alien" was all that was offered. It's doubtful a career as a Hollywood pitchman awaits, but I can't argue with his succinctness. This was enough to grab the assembled throngs attention, and he continued on telling exactly how he got Season 1 of Alf on DVD. It involved a van or something. Seriously. Feeling a connection with me since that whole stripper business, he asked me if I liked Alf. "Does the Pope poop in the woods? Melmac (Alf's home planet) is like my second home." We then high-fived as I wondered just how my life had arrived at this point.

Alas, his bride-to-be didn't share his enthusiasm. A development that could present trouble later on after the stripper and everybody else leaves, but right now I think he's OK. May want to hold off on Season 2 of Alf on DVD for right now though.

Regardless, he knows how to save face. He quickly added to no one in particular that he's also got Season 1 of Walker, Texas Ranger on DVD as well. Whether or not this involved the same van as Season 1 of Alf on DVD I don't know, but it definitely lifted the bride's spirits. That's understandable. I often think of Chuck Norris' moustache when I feel blue. A hunch that she'll be thinking of that moustache a lot in the coming days, weeks and months.