Please shop where you park

Since school is getting out all over and rugrats are searching for loitering holes, the EPJ figured she'd do her part and grant one lucky local classroom a swimming party at Rancho Relaxo. (I know, and it's not even an election year. What a gal.) The blessed event went off last week without much of a hitch, i.e. no rain fell, no cramps were had and no one drowned. In terms of a kids swim party, that's pretty much my definition of success.

To point out that only 2 of the 35 attendees actually knew how to swim would probably be picking nits. The deep end was therefore roped off meaning there was more danger of cramped conditions and suffocation than actual cramps or drowning . But that's beside the point. I'm sure it was a bang-up time for kids to get to stand in a pool of water at the home of someone they didn't know. For a couple of hours. Memories that will no doubt last a lunchtime. Similarly, I'm sure the parents will remember the EPJ's manganimity come election time. Her slogan next go round? "A kid in every pool."

Really getting into the spirit of all the do-goodness and not wishing to exclude any potential voters, the EPJ has now turned her attention to helping the furthest reaches of humanity. She's decided that being able to reach anyone at anytime via one's cell is rather nice. One never really knows when the need to strike up a thoroughly useless conversation make come. "Ooh, honey did you see what she was wearing? Indeed." The EPJ doesn't actually talk like this but I like to imagine she does. When I'm not working dilligently for the good people of this county, of course.

Like most technological advances, however, these cellular phones have brought about a whole new set of problems for us, oh-so-connected moderners. Specifically, having to fumble for that confounded phone as it blares some ringtone that seemed clever at the time--Kenny Loggins, how do you sleep? So to combat the embarrassment of these unfortunate social situations (silence, vibrate or shutting the damn thing off is not an option for one so esteemed), she's decided it would be gear if one could wear one's phone on one's wrist. The phone rings and with the flick of the wrist and a simple "talk to me" one is able to annoy innocent bystanders with incessant talking even quicker. Gee, thanks.

When I pointed out that Dick Tracy has had such a device for years, (we all know where that's gotten him--a crappy Hollywood bomb with Madonna and Warren Beatty) she accused me of being a smart ass.

Ouch.

I then told her about my idea for an invisible jet.