We can all celebrate together

Today, aside from being the penultimate Thursday in November, is also The Great American Smokeout. A day in which the American Cancer Society urged smokers to go cold turkey for a day not unlike that Dick Van Dyke flick, Cold Turkey. Anyway, it's sort of lost its luster of late (read: anytime after GAS spokesman Larry "J.R. Ewing" Hagman quit playing J.R.) as more and more people never start smoking and those that do have fewer and fewer places to puff a cancer log. Still, it's one of those unofficial holidays that lazy journos and writers (ahem!) trump out when there nothing much else to say. Ergo, here's five more days that just never get the press anymore to ponder whilst I attend the Tech-Miami game this evening.

5. Groundhog Day (February 2) Six more weeks or winter based on shadow recognition. I realize every year our nation still endures the breathless reporting of myriad blow-hards and blow-drys faking enthusiasm over the weather prognosticating skills of any otherwise forgotten rodent. Bill Murray even set a movie around it that's a lot better than it probably should be. As a result, most under the age of 50 use it as shorthand for endlessly repeating tasks. Oh, and matters aren't helped when the South, figuring those damn yankees are telling us what to do again, decide to get us our very own groundhog, General Beauregard Lee, cause the weather is different up north. Confusion set in. Nation loses interest.

4. Grandparents Day (First Sunday after Labor Day) It's not that we as a nation don't love our grandparents. We do since if it wasn't for them most of the big Christmas/birthday gifts would never come our way. Plus unconditional love is sorta nice too. And adding a specific day a la Mother's/Father's is probably not all that bad of idea. It's just never really been able to get off the ground due to bad PR. Honestly, unless one frequents Hallmark stores or similar places that have cards for more holidays than customers, one probably doesn't even know the day exists. If it weren't for the hostage crisis in Iran, malaise or brother Billy, perhaps Jimmy Carter's presidency would be best known for his involvement herein. That's just as well.

3. Arbor Day (Final Friday in April) I'm not sure when this hug-a-tree day was forgotten. Nor am I sure it was ever remembered. Nor am I sure just how one would properly celebrate. Exchange acorns? Commune with nature? Apparently, it was popular enough in the mid-70s for Charles M. Schulz to create a Charlie Brown special, It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown. That, or the special was a last ditch effort to save the day. I've never see it so apparently not even that lovable blockhead, Charlie Brown, could get kids jazzed about planting a tree. Where's the equally forgotten Johnny Appleseed when you need him? Furthermore, coming so close to #2, I'll blame eco-fatigue.

2. Earth Day (April 22) One of my more favorite Pete Townshend quotes is the one about the only thing rock and roll/hippies ever doing was changing the length of boys hair. I love Townshend but I would offer this homage to Mother Earth, along with its attendant hypocrisy, as being the love generation's greatest gift to the unwashed. Like Grandparents Day, it's not that the concept is flawed. Who can honestly say they are for pollution, carcinogens and general filth? Incredulity does not equal advocacy. It could only come from a group of stoned hippies figuring out a way to justify polluting that very same air/water, driving an oil-burning, gas-guzzling, smoke-belching VW van from Dead show to Dead show, tie-dyeing all the way. True, as cocaine replaced pot and disco, psychedelia there was scant time for such matters and Earth Day was kind of forgotten until a brief resurgence in the late '80s before being forgotten again. Al Gore notwithstanding.

1. Sadie Hawkins Day (November 9) A testament to the erstwhile power of the funny pages, Sadie Hawkins originated on the pages of the Li'l Abner comic strip post-depression, pre-WWII. If the origins didn't insure failure then the concept most certainly did: For one day, girls take the initiative in various courtship rituals. Splendid. In the '30s, it possibly was a revolutionary concept that a girl could ask a guy out. The same can't be said today. Furthermore, while the idea of the gal paying for the date has some merit to most guys, it wasn't particularly popular with the ladies. Quel surprise. Maybe it was an early dose of modern feminism or just a goof because Al Capp couldn't really think of much else to write that day. Whatever, it's all but forgotten today. The last known reference coming on July 21, 1954 by Jill Anderson of Cape Girardeau, Missouri lamenting her unrequited love from one Harold Stephens. Until today.