The whisper of epithets

My Facebook account has been acting rather strange for the past couple of days. This is hardly cause for an adjustment of the nation's DEF-CON status. However, it does, as the kids used to say, blow. (Pretty impressive I used 3 commas in a 10-word sentence, no?) Though I'm generally not too keen on fads or what keeps contemporary minds afloat, I have become somewhat enamored with Facebook. Sure, we can lament how it has replaced actual, meaningful contact between friends and family, but I suppose any contact is better than nothing. And the stinker in me can't help taking devilish delight in giving totally random, absurd "updates" to friends waiting for some bit of self-insight or reflection.

Back in the 20th century, we had to actually attend family reunions and class reunions for the awkwardness unique to seeing people you sort of know but not really and probably spent the interim between meetings devising ways to avoid those very people. Now we can just click "add as friend" and never give them another thought. Your unknown relative/forgotten friend day will probably be brightened thinking you're really interested in what he/she has been up to all this time. You'll feel good in knowing you gave the appearance of caring but didn't actually expend any energy. Everybody wins.***

But as for now, I can't do anything like that. Every time I try to log on I get a slightly different message telling me that my account is temporarily unavailable. Try again in a few minutes. While this is likely due to some aspect of the communist conspiracy and general effort to keep a brother down, it has the ultimate effect of keeping me uniformed. And since news cycles, even personal ones, are so quick these days, there is no telling what I have missed. I fear I will now be on the outside looking in as new references and inside jokes are made amongst folks whom I've known for far too long. This has caused great consternation.

Damn you, Facebook. Damn you all to Hell.

Until you get this ship righted and I'm back in the chosen fold, of course.

***Understand this doesn't apply to my friends and relations on Facebook. You are all awesome in every way. I was just waiting all those years until something as mind-blowing as the internets to come along to make communication easier. What with the monopoly AT & T had on the phone service all those years, I thought of it as saving you a little scratch. And then all that food preparation that would have to be done for any reunions. And let's not even talk about the postal service.