Put whatever you want here

Being that Marisol is a highly influential member of the local media (entire population: 4), she sometimes gets in to events that us mere mortals wouldn't. Snazzy soirees with really beautiful people doing really beautiful things and the like. Most of the time, however, she just goes to events that the average person doesn't want to read about in the paper, let alone actually attend. Often she attends these sorts of things stag, a lone reporter braving the fierce world of rotary club meetings and secretary luncheons.

Every now and then, though, she'll decide that it's okay to be seen with me and bring me along. Usually she doesn't even request I not embarrass her which is awfully sweet. As most know, two of my hobbies are telling inappropriate jokes in mixed company and starting fights with random strangers for no reason. A high-class function offers a golden opportunity to do both. Why else would they hold them? Certainly not because polite society really cares who the Rosicrucian of the year is. Which is a shame considering the joy they bring driving those funny little cars in parades. Or maybe that's the shriners. Whatever.

Anyway, last night found us sitting at a table at the annual Soil/Water Conservation banquet. Now this probably sounds like the snoozefest to end all snoozefest. Au contraire. I suspect Jack Bauer himself would have found the evening's festivities too intense and requested the powers that be take things down a notch.

Actually...that's not true.

The dinner was just as one would figure. Plenty of very nice and very decent people sitting down and breaking bread together. A nice meal. Free in fact, but since I generally avoid the foods most normal people eat, I mainly ate bread and picked the bananas out of my banana pudding. Our meal was interrupted by the occasional award. But these all seemed to be controversy free so I'll presume the recipient is a no doubt deserving super person. Then we enjoyed a speech on bio fuels. Yes, bio fuels. They said it's the future but they never offered if there bio-fueled future involved jet packs. It had better or I think I'll pass.

More or less the one thought that never left my mind was that this was the perfect moment for a dude engulfed in flames to just come running through. Maybe to show how bio-fuels can burn a man just like good ol' fashioned gasoline. Or for the matter, show how bio-fuel can be set aflame but never burn. I'm guessing that would guarantee the business of the entire world of popular music. A blazing Axl Rose marching around the stage singing Welcome to the Jungle? That would take badassness to another level. Heck, Axl might even would be cool again.

The possibilities are endless, I suppose. Lord knows I had plenty of time to think about all the wonders that will await as soon as we surrender to our bio-fuel overlords. But I did keep a close eye on the door for a man on fire. Alas, no such dude ever showed. Probably because it was raining.