The Cinema Show

A few weeks ago I mentioned in passing that they/we/somebody was restoring our old cinema to its former glory. One day I'll actually get around to writing about "the show" as it played a far bigger role in my life than probably even I realized at the time. No doubt it's where I first really got into movies and where I saw the bulk of them growing up. I'm not sure but the first movie saw there could have been Star Wars in 1977. I know I saw it there and wouldn't have seen many movies before then as I was only 2 (thanks, Andy. Thandy) 3 1/2 years old. The last one was definitely Happy Gilmore. Regardless, it's always been a special place for me. So much so, that I actually considered purchasing it a few years ago but we never got serious about it. I suspect part of me will always regret that.

It closed up shop in 1997 but was deteriorating even before then. Like most small town movie houses, it couldn't compete with the megaplexes and attendance couldn't justify the necessary repairs. Time took its toll.

Exterior work was begun in the fall and as can be seen, is more or less finished. All the neon and paint has been replaced and restored to its original colors. Other than a brief test, they've not lit it up though that's supposed to be in a few weeks. New windows and doors as you can tell. Now work begins on the interior which will be a massive undertaking, read: expensive. This will be done solely through donations and private funding through our Better Hometown organization. Guess who's the chairman. If you'd like to make a donation, get in touch. Probably one of the coolest things we're doing is that you can purchase a seat in honor or memory of someone, even yourself. If, like me, you always sat in the same seat, it can now be yours forever. Maybe we'll even throw in some of the old floor goo as well.

I thought it might be a kick for any out-of-towners that remember the Knox to see what's going on now. Regardless, "the show" is looking better than it has in decades. I'll try to post as things progress.

We invite you to attend the college of our choice

What was a pretty uneventful weekend for me personally (a trip to see the not exactly good Monsters Vs. Aliens with Marisol and Buster was the highlight) turned into a pretty eventful one for the world at large. North Korea moves us all closer to midnight as Kim Jong Il continues his quest to be the ultimate James Bond villain; I've no idea if he has a cat or lives inside a volcano, however. President Obama essentially fired the head of a U.S. corporation, GM. A move that, regardless of necessity, has been met with surprisingly little commentary from the chattering classes. Then there were the floods in North Dakota. Or more accurately the waiting for the floods in North Dakota; it's been a bit strange watching that story unfold. Certainly good for the folks in question, but sucks for all the roving reporters. Eager to give us some human tragedy with a smidgen of human triumph thrown in, all the media has got thus far is a bunch of folks in flyover country filling up sandbags. Fail.

Our North Dakota friends need not feel they're alone in all this. Andy called Saturday afternoon to inform me that the local news was reporting that puddles were forming around Atlanta. Killer, godless puddles. The kind one has to hop over or walk around to avoid. Worse still, the kind that the oceans formed from. Holy shit. It was with not a little disappointment that Andy reported this news report was not filed from a canoe. At least it gave chivalry another chance at renewal as capes were laid down for fair maidens by dandy gents the city over. I've not been advised of the current situation so I can only presume the entire metro Atlanta area has been destroyed. Farewell, old friend. Farewell.

Unfortunately because I actually have something approaching a life these days, I wasn't able to take part in the big Earth Hour on Saturday night. For the fortunate few who have no idea what all that hubbub was about allow me. For one hour on one night the entire world was supposed to power down at the behest of Edward Norton, one of our finest actors, presumably a decent dude and expert on all matters metaphysical. That meant no lights, computers, television or electricity (general or otherwise) for one solid hour which would probably suck if you were unfortunate enough to be on a plane, subway or life-support during that hour. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, I suppose. Somehow all this energy conservation was going to save Mother Earth from its core melting or something that was probably detailed in the "scientific explanation" part of The Day After Tomorrow. Regardless, we'd all feel good enough to live the next 8764 hours with pretty much no thought of energy conservation or Edward Norton. Since we're all still here, I guess it was a success. Thanks, Earth. Thearth.

Fortunately, I happened to pick a cinema that did not care about Earth and chose not to shut down operations. So while most of the would-be do-gooders were sitting in the dark patting themselves on the back whilst wondering how to eat a frozen dinner with no microwave, we were attempting to yuk it up with Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3-D!!!!!!!!!!! This seemed the most patriotic thing I could do on such an night. Of course, I'd be lying if I said that part of me wasn't hoping that due to all the energy being saved, my movie experience wouldn't be a little bit brighter. Alas, it wasn't to be as the movie was a largely forgettable, goofy kidfest with wasted talent (Paul Rudd, Will Arnett, Rainn Wilson) and jokes/references thrown together just because. The particular kid I was with didn't seem to enjoy all that much either.

As a result, I have decided that I will do more for the environment if Hollywood will start making better product. I am fully prepared to buy energy-efficient light bulbs, cut off my computer at night and not rev my car's engine just because it sounds cool. All I ask is that Hollywood quit turning forgotten tv shows into movies, abandon all remakes/sequels, start putting Simon Pegg in every movie to make it cooler, stop putting Samuel L. Jackson in every movie to make it cooler, discontinue making PG-13 horror movies, tell Quentin Tarantino that ripping off obscure movies is still ripping off, bring back the Care Bears and give Kevin Smith back to New Jersey. And anything else I decide to add at a later date.

Let's sit back and look forward to the status quo together.

Let's Go Bowling

Though I've yet to manage to upload them, Marisol has provided pictures of the Hollywood's destruction of our family heirloom. At this point a reminder is probably in order: the house we loved so much we sold 60 years ago and have allowed to gradually fall in. The point being that I've not forgot my promise to my faithful readers, I've just yet to act on it. Perhaps I have a future in politics.

Apparently, the EPJ's construction of her Rancho Relaxo pool is of great interest to some. I guess I just took it for granted that people would actually care since I spend most of my days trying to ignore any/all talk of such affairs.

I keed.

Nevertheless, construction continues or more accurately, is wrapping up. Not having much experience with such things, I really didn't know how long these projects take. I must admit it warms the cockles of my heart to know that it really doesn't take more than a few days to dig a big hole and fill 'er up. Never let the determination of the American worker (and his Mexican sub-contractors) be underestimated, especially when there's a crazed woman monitoring their progress. In addition to being an expert on various legal matters and kid-raising, the EPJ's also a skilled construction foreman.

Due to this expertise, she's been running out to her house to check on the progress and document everything with her trusty digital camera. This, as one might figure, is a fascinating documentation. Wow, there used to be grass. Now there's a hole. And now there's a liner. What a pretty at bulldozer. Oh look there's Diego, hello Diego. Etc.

As stated above, the project is winding down and they've moved on to what I can only presume is the final phase: the fill. Not really sure how this was accomplished. They simply may have cut on the garden hose and tossed it over the side or pulled the local fire department away from that children's orphanage fire to borrow the hose. I'm sure the kids understood. Whatever, the pool is now full if not yet open for business. Unfortunately, the EPJ didn't get a picture of the procedure. I guess it wasn't noteworthy. My warped sense of humor really was hoping for a picture of her standing over an empty pool with a hose, however. For some reason I imagined they build it, you fill it. Again, I've little experience with these type projects.

Soon we'll be making another run

I'm gung-ho for any and all opportunities to speak in front of a crowd, any size. Location and subject are irrelevant but I'm quite skilled at managing to say the wrong thing whenever the opportunity presents itself. It's just a talent that I've honed, sharpened and workshopped for many years. Not really sure if it stems from nervousness (probably) or my total lack of basic social skills (possibly), but in my continual efforts to reassure my audience, that I know how ridiculous the very thought of me speaking, perhaps imparting wisdom or perhaps just droning on about nothing in particular, to them is usually results in multiple violations of Robert's Rules of Order

There was the time way back when in church when I was doing the children's sermon. The previous sermonizer (my bestest pal, Christopher) split for seminary and left a gap that for some reason the powers that be felt I could fill. Apparently, they felt all the happy, feel goodness and wonder that a child should find in church needed a healthy dose of cynicism and real world bile. Who was I to argue? Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed doing these things and think the kids dug me because I treated them like adults. We often went out for coffee and discussions on Kierkegaarde afterwards. Don't worry I provided the smokes since they were underage.

Anyway, there was this one kid who came down just about every Sunday and just drove me bonkers. I know it makes me sound awful but I couldn't stand him. Every Sunday I would secretly hope his family had moved to Estonia the past week. He couldn't be still, constantly talked and enjoyed making smart-ass comments as I was trying in vain to relate to the kids by using baseball cards or records. If I'd kept it up I'm sure at some point I'd tried to explain nuclear fusion to them.

But as for this kid, he was like Martin Short's man child, Clifford, a little boy who everyone thinks is darling but only one man, Charles Grodin, sees the light and Clifford for the spawn of Hell he actually is. As always, Charles Grodin is awesome. Fitting then that I should get to imitate one of my heroes in real life. Like Grodin, I always did my best to humor this demon seed and mask my contempt with a slow burn or some sardonic thought. Any verbal comments were lighthearted enough for the congregation proper and usually met with a light chuckle. If only they'd known of my loathing.

But one time right before Christmas I was talking about Jesus or the manger or some such and this kid would not shush. No great surprise. I guess I thought I really nailed the children's sermon that week and did not want to be deterred. As is probably obvious, in the best of times, I ramble. If I get to rambling and become annoyed, then the venom really comes out. So this kid was yapping, probably all excited about Christmas as kids generally should be and are. I decided to ask the kids what they wanted for Christmas. Susie wanted a doll, Jimmy a bike and Johnny a baseball bat (For the purposes of this anecdote, assume it's 1950). So I came to Hellboy and asked what he wanted. Maybe he only wanted a dollar to give to world hunger or pair of shoes for his terminally ill mother. More realistically, I suspect he'd have preferred a kitten to drown or a gun to shoot me. Regardless, before he could answer I cut him off. "I'm pretty sure Santa's not coming to see you this year since you've been so bad. So it doesn't matter anyway." Oh...snap.

And I carried on telling the kids about God's love and the wonders of Christmas.

Now if I were truly an awful person I would end the story there, content that my reputation as terrorizer of tiny town par excellence would be secure. But I am human and generally not a bastard, especially to kids. Therefore I must add that as I was actually saying the above the other part of my brain was frantically trying to induce a stroke or aneurysm, something/anything to shut me up before my train got to its destination. It's odd how quickly one can process several different items at light speed when the situation requires yet can take 2 hours to decide whether it's a Big Mac or Whopper kind of night. Perhaps, this is a curse which only I bear.

In addition, I should point out that there was no visible reaction from the child, a hunch this was not the first nor the last time he had been told this. The other children and the congregation gave their usual chuckle, so I'm fairly confident they took this as a playful little dig and not as the there's-a-pitchfork-being-sharpened-for-you-down-below-right-now comment I intended it. I suppose they could have been laughing through their horror. I try not to think about that option too much. And I'm pretty sure the kid ended up in juvvie or jail. Heck, he may be on the lam right now. Probably coming after me. Gee, I certainly hope not.

Selah.

How exactly does one walk onto a yacht

For those interested, Marisol came through Lasik fine. Last night before I left her house she could read the smaller (not smallest) print on television. Her followup visit to the doctor this morning found her with 20/20 vision! She was ecstatic and rightfully so. Thus ends 25 years of visual aides for her. Not to fear, I have no plans to change my bespectacled status as everyone's beloved correspondent. I've worn them for so long now that when photos from my high school days without them, I just look odd. Or odder. I think more odd is actually grammatically correct but grammar is 4 eggheadz and losers. Both of which I've accuse myself of being far too often.

The other night found me screening How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. As I told MB the other day, the book has been on my to-read list for a bit; I suspect I'll never get around to it. That's generally how I do things: find something that sounds interesting, put it as a to-do, forget about it, have something remind me about it, remake vow, forget about it, die an emptier person.

I was unaware a movie was being made until I saw the poster in the London Tube of all places. Remembered my past interest, noticed the great Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Spaced--absolute genius tv show that everyone everywhere should watch continuously) was in it and told Andy "I want to see that." I believe his response was, "I don't." I'm not sure it ever received a wide release here, if at all. Anyway, brief synopsis: snarky writer for small celeb-hating mag (ahem!) takes job at large celeb-loving mag (think EW), attempts to bring down system from the inside. Of course, snarky writer gets corrupted and falls into glitzy world before finding redemption and true love. The end.

In the midst of all this are digs at celeb culture, some of which work better than others, and some decently funny parts. But on the whole, the movie feels a little too tame and rushed. I'm guessing the book is a bit more fleshed out, since it's allegedly a true, if fictionalized, story. On film, though, everything happens pretty darn quickly and a bit too easy. It seems a bit unlikely that a big, glossy mag would give an upstart so many chances to lose friends and alienate people. Not having much knowledge of such a world I can't be sure nor do I really care all that much.

It probably didn't help matters that none of the characters were particularly likable and fairly one-dimensional. Don't misunderstand; the movie wasn't awful and I don't regret watching it. I just was expecting more from a movie with such potential and starring one of my favorite current funnymen. I'll get over it. Somehow.

Oh, golly it's Killdozer

I suppose the big news around here today is that finally after months, years even, of threatening the EPJ is finally getting that pool. We're all about fiddling whilst Rome burns around here. My family took that unnecessary (but greatly enjoyed and sadly too short) England trip; the EPJ helps out the financial situation by paying a crew to park some heavy machinery in her yard and dig a big hole. We are nothing if not good Americans.

So in between her judgely duties, she's been taking regular trips to her house to chart the progress. She's even been taking pictures to document the progress or perhaps to see where it all went wrong. Ordinarily, I'd threaten to put those pictures up here, but even I have my limits. And since she referred to the bulldozer driver as an "artist", I'm almost tempted. But no matter how skilled, I see no need to put more pictures of smoking, overweight dudes whose butt cracks are showing on the interwebs. Nevertheless, the EPJ has sent all her closest buds and family regular updates today so regardless of how rough your life is, it could be worse. You could be in her address book.

The time frame for the completion is supposed to be a couple of weeks. A period which, to me, seemed a bit quick, but then we're only talking about digging a big hole, pouring some concrete in and filling 'er up. Plus I figure the EPJ will head out to the backyard this evening with her own shovel to speed up the process. I keed her but in fairness this is something she's been threatening to do for several years. She figured since the world is going to hell, and the good folk of our county will let her wear the iron fist for four more years, now was a good time to do it. Okay, maybe her granddaughter had something to do with it. But that's really not as snarkable a reason now is it?

Of course, tomorrow I'll be taking Marisol in for her Lasik surgery. Wouldn't want her to feel left out of all this recession-era spending. So if anybody needs some glasses, there's about to be a pair available. Though I quite like her glasses (on her, not me) I'm excited about her excitement. I know, awww.

Reading press clippings at The Hair Hut

An unexpected break due to circumstances beyond my control. Though I'm the captain of this particular ship, my duties are more or less ceremonial as they pertain to the real world. Nevertheless, some interesting notes in the interim. I've still not managed to get the photos of the immolated house. Not due to slackness, mind. My source in the local media, (the dear Marisol) has been tied up with other things. Surprisingly a rope was not one of them. Hopefully when things settle down, which probably won't be until next week, I can get some up here. Until then, my advice is to put those Disney imagineer skills to work. If you can dream it, do it. Etc.

So last Saturday was the big 15K in Jacksonville. The race itself was a grand time and I was quite pleased with the event itself as well as my time, 1:20. Good organization, the course was not as easy as I'd anticipated but not all that rough either. This was still Florida, which I believe is the flattest state in the union. Some may argue Delaware is. I like to call those people wrong.

There were no great tales from the run that I'm aware. There were some bands playing along the way that for the most part were probably getting paid too much for the services provided. I appreciate that some hard-working cover band is willing to get up on a Saturday morning and crank out all the songs I never want to hear again and badly at that. However, it's really not necessary. I along with, I'm guessing, 90% of the runners had their own little soundtracks and the other 10% didn't want/need to hear bad cover versions.

The bright spot/low point was one of the bands rocking the runners with some Candlebox. Kudos to them for dredging up a past we'd all rather forget but in the name of Kurdt and all that he unwittingly spawned, please consider trading in those guitars for shovels. On second thought, perhaps a third-rate version of a third-rate grunge song from a third-rate grunge band played roadside to disinterested/annoyed runners at 9 am on a Saturday morning is the respect the song deserves.

In a further quest for cutting-edge relevancy, perhaps I'll go after Everclear in my next post. Consider yourself warned, gents.

But before all this, MB and MB's hubby wanted to show me and dear old Dad around their newly adopted home. And by home, I mean current place they receive their mail. Since it was a surprisingly chilly, drizzly and foggy night, they wanted to take us to the one place to best take everything in: the beach. Figuring this to be more like an Adams Family excursion than a popular destination on a such an eve, I was surprised to find out that everyone else in Jacksonville decided to do the same thing. I guess if you've paid for the rooms though, you're going to have that beach experience regardless.

Jimmy: "But Dad, I can't feel my toes."

Dad: "Shut up, Jimmy and build that sand castle. You're having fun; you just don't realize it."

Mom: "I hate my life but at least I've got my pal Jimmy Bean to keep me warm since you don't anymore."

Enid: "My family is so lame. Thankfully, they sell rebellion at Hot Topic. At last, I can use someone else's money to get clothing that will adequately express my angst and turmoil over my current domestic situation. I can't wait to go to art college." (Enid, being a reader of Camus and huge fan of The Cure, is more sulky and verbose than the rest).

And scene.

Where was I?

I don't remember and it doesn't matter anyway. It was a good weekend though.